The Punisher Diet

You know you want to try it.

My husband once made up a diet plan. He called it, The Punisher. The diet was designed not only to restrict calories, but to also inflict it’s sole participant with additional miseries as well. These added features were intended to emphasize the shame the participant should feel for being overweight in the first place. To imagine it: take any strict eating plan’s  average daily calories and divide them by two, and then add a pinch of crazy.   That’s it. Oh, I’m almost forgot. When you feel hungry just tell yourself it’s no less than you deserve. Ok, I think you’ve got it all now. Best of luck to you! No charge. 

I don’t know about you, but for me I don’t get through the holiday season without a few casualties, and my skinny jeans are included in the death toll.

I find it weird how I will be loathed to eat an entire chocolate bar at any other time of the year, but at Christmas time I can polish one off before I have even had breakfast.

It you are like me then you often use January as a time to recalibrate your health, and weight loss goals for the following year. It usually goes something like this –

I really need to lose that 20 pounds this year. It is going to be different this time because I am going to try:

A Cleanse –  Apparently I don’t have 20 lbs of dirt inside my body after all. 

Fiber Pills – Wait, I am suppose to STOP eating when I am full?

Cabbage Soup – You lost me at cabbage…

Vegetarianism – Must learn to cook, and not just substitute more bread when I lose the beef…..No tuna? Are you sure?

Atkins – As one doctor told me, “this type of diet will ensure you look great – in your coffin”.

Gym Rat – I really don’t like to be around other people’s sweat.

Gluten Free – They have GF everything including doughnuts, and cake. This is suppose to help how?

Clean Eating – I can’t see myself carrying around a mini cooler, can you?

 

I know many people who have fallen in love with a certain eating lifestyle that works for them, and I am happy for them. However, I think like most things, you can’t just adopt someone else’s life. You have to find your own way.

My family doctor recommend that I lose 25 lbs after my last child was born.  I brushed her off with something like, “yes, I will get around to that in a few years”. She looked at me seriously and said, “No. You need to start today”.

The benefits of being a healthy weight are well documented – it is a no brainer. It is one of the things about my health that I can do something about, and not simply have to deal with what genetics or providence has dictated.

The struggle is real, but I will not give up. After all, I have a new pedometer friend that I am very fond of, and I will keep track of what I eat…on most days…often….usually….(I will keep working on it)

I do what I can, but I will try not to get crazy about it. I know extreme measures will not work for me, and besides I like myself too much for that nonsense. (Better luck next year Punisher!)

So are you ready to get started? ‘Cause I am off to buy some smaller dinner plates – who’s with me? 

 

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